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Welcome!

Hi there, and welcome to my blog!  This is my very first post, so I’m just going to give a brief intro to myself and to why I have started this blog.  Thank you for reading. 🙂

I am Sally, a homeschooling mother to a wonderful aspie girl, and I myself am also an aspie.  After a lot of struggle, trial and error and deliberation I am finally confident in my parenting style, which I have evolved and thought out myself but which is pretty similar to Unconditional Parenting and Respectful Parenting.  I have many bugbears and things I am passionate about.  Pet hates are childism, weight discrimination and speciesism.  I am passionate about animal rights, human rights and autism acceptance (and anti ableism and ABA).

So why the blog?  It occurred to me recently that I have been pretty much using facebook like a blog.  Prattling on at great length about my beliefs and thoughts and theories – probably boring a lot of my friends, and at worst offending some who don’t share all of the same beliefs as me, or have a different parenting style.  I really don’t want to offend or bore people, so I decided that it might be better to use an actual blog to write about my beliefs (and general prattlings), so that a narrower audience can read my stuff.  So that people can have a choice whether or not to read what I write, rather than having it posted on their walls. 🙂

As for what I intend to blog about, probably mostly about the issues I am passionate about.  My main interests are respectful parenting and autism so I’ll probably blog mostly about those, but I don’t want to limit myself to that.  So I retain the right to post endless photos of my cactus and lithops collection!! 😉

Again, thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day. 🙂

 

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The last socially acceptable prejudice

If anyone else wants to tell me that weight discrimination is not a serious thing, I dare them to become anorexic.  And as they are getting sicker and sicker, hear the compliments they get about their appearance start to flow in, and when they are at the point where they are so sick that they can no longer walk without assistance because their knees keep on buckling, to hear the compliments at their thickest and fastest.

 

And as they start to recover, to hear the compliments start to trickle, and eventually dry up…

 

So, now, they are no longer dying, but they are no longer as socially acceptable.  

 

Anorexia is socially acceptable.

 

Anorexia is a socially acceptable suicide.

 

And then, I urge that person to spend the remainder of their life obese.  And to see just. what. exactly. that is like…. Every fucking day.  Every time you go out in public.  The stares.  The way people speak to you as if you are a baby, or are intellectually disabled.  The looks of disdain.  The barely concealed, and often unconcealed, contempt.  And if you are particularly ‘lucky’, the comments and jibes.  People peering into your shopping trolley to see what you eat.  Being asked by a complete stranger if you have picked out a particular yoghurt because it is low fat.  And more direct comments.

 

If you want science, you can find science easily enough simply by googling.  Scientific studies have shown the following:

 

  • Weight discrimination against women is as prevalent as racism in the US.
  • Heavier people earn lower wages for the same job.
  • People hire less qualified people with the same characteristics, who are thinner, for the same job.
  • Heavy people are fired faster, and get fewer salary increases.
  • Parents are more likely to help thinner children (in the same family often) with college fees.
  • Parents are more likely to help thinner children with the cost of buying a car.
  • Educators and elementary school teachers exhibit high rates of weight discrimination against pupils, which affects the way in which they include them in class, which affects outcomes.
  • Heavy people receive poorer healthcare from doctors for issues not related to weight.
  • Heavy people avoid things like essential cancer screening due to the stigma they face from doctors.
  • In studies done on sexual attractiveness, heavier people were rated less attractive than people with sexually transmitted diseases and people missing limbs.

 

Every fucking day.  Every.  Fucking. Day.

 

(And, as an aside, if people really thought that it was so damn easy to do something about weight in the long term, why the hell do they think that a highly intelligent person, strong willed enough to have once almost starved herself to death, would not have fucking lost the weight decades ago?)

A mad lib ;)

Okay, because I’ve had a completely crap day that needs desperately to be forgotten, I have decided to post something nonsensical – a mad lib that I did last night! 😀

Here it is:

 

Two Daring Uncles Traversing to the Beat

A Short Story
by Sally

Maria Doodle was thinking about Edward Smith again. Edward was a morose warrior with bony toes and pasty noses.

Maria walked over to the window and reflected on her fiery surroundings. She had always hated hot Mount Etna with its vigorous, violet volcano. It was a place that encouraged her tendency to feel enraged.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the a morose figure of Edward Smith.

Maria gulped. She glanced at her own reflection. She was a downtrodden, meek, iced tea drinker with auburn toes and freckled noses. Her friends saw her as a loose, loopy lunatic. Once, she had even jumped into a river and saved a quiet butterfly.

But not even a downtrodden person who had once jumped into a river and saved a quiet butterfly, was prepared for what Edward had in store today.

The lightning teased like throttling rats, making Maria triumphant. Maria grabbed a derelict spoon that had been strewn nearby; she massaged it with her fingers.

As Maria stepped outside and Edward came closer, she could see the miniature glint in his eye.

Edward gazed with the affection of 6779 panicky lively lions. He said, in hushed tones, “I love you and I want revenge.”

Maria looked back, even more triumphant and still fingering the derelict spoon. “Edward, you are a bluebird bubble,” she replied.

They looked at each other with fanatical feelings, like two moaning, melted monkeys climbing at a very decadent graduation, which had death metal music playing in the background and two daring uncles traversing to the beat.

Maria studied Edward’s bony toes and pasty noses. Eventually, she took a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” began Maria in apologetic tones, “but I don’t feel the same way, and I never will. I just don’t love you Edward.”

Edward looked obsessive, his emotions raw like a chilly, cold carpet.

Maria could actually hear Edward’s emotions shatter into 7556 pieces. Then the morose warrior hurried away into the distance.

Not even a drink of iced tea would calm Maria’s nerves tonight.

THE END

If you’d like to create your own silliness, this is the website:
Enjoy! 🙂

Just how far does my PDA go?

 

I’ve been thinking recently about just how far my demand avoidance actually reaches, and the answers have astonished me, to be honest.  Certain things that I do in certain ways, and ways in which I react, I have always before considered to be unrelated oddities of my personality, but viewing them now through the lense of demand avoidance they make a lot more sense and are more cohesive.

 

So I suppose for this blog post it’s probably best to just relate examples.

 

What first got me thinking about this in the past few weeks was when I was thinking about self-help books.  I was thinking about parenting, and different styles of parenting, the names given to those different styles, and the books first initiating and then expanding upon / marketing those different styles.  It occurred to me that, bar a few baby care and conception books, I have never fully read through a parenting book.  I have bought quite a few along the way, always with the intention of reading them, but I have never actually read more than a paragraph here and there.  Bearing in mind here that my primary hobby is reading – it’s something I do at least daily – and I read primarily non-fiction, this complete omission of parenting books is quite striking.  Especially scene as parenting is something that I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about and theorising about.  Of course, I know exactly why I don’t read them – I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!!!  I do not like demands, I do not like suggestions, I do not like expectations, I do not like even reading about methods, because to me these feel like something that could become expectations.  Even though I have discovered that my parenting style is similar to certain ‘known’ styles, the thought of categorising myself or aligning myself with something with INSTRUCTIONS or GUIDELINES (read: demands / expectations) totally flips me out.  I insist on doing things entirely my own way.  No matter how difficult or troublesome that may be, and no matter if I need to reinvent the wheel for myself in doing that.

 

More self help:  exercise routines.  Recently I devised a get fit routine for myself. I briefly considered buying a book, or searching online for a suitable routine, but decided almost immediately (even before searching for anything) that that was NOT a good idea and that I would make up the exercise plan myself, as I normally have in the past with most forms of exercise I have done.  I had to see my gp a couple of weeks ago, and it occurred to me afterwards the intense need I felt to make sure that she knew that my exercise plan was self-made.  I remember telling her, and how I hurriedly told her that it was a self-made plan, as if this fact somehow made the whole idea of having an exercise regime more palatable.  (Which it does, to me.  The idea of somebody else telling me what to do with my body enrages me, to be honest.)  

 

That’s reminded me of the rather tricky situation I found myself in when I was attending physio sessions after breaking my ankle.  I desperately wanted to heal everything properly, but I encountered a problem during the sessions.  First, she told me to warm up on the exercise bike while she went off to do something, and, I’m afraid, I simply couldn’t.  I tried, I really did, but I could not get myself to do it.  She wanted me to do something with my body, and I simply was not ABLE to force myself to follow through.  (I was well able to do it physically, but psychologically, I just couldn’t make myself.)  Then came practising the actual exercises with her – I struggled to force myself to do each one – I did most of them deliberately slowly and sulkily, and I ended up ‘taking back control’ by telling her that I would do a certain amount (always different to the amount she told me to do) and by doing them in different orders!  I ended up being so appalled by the whole performance, by being told what to do, that I only attended two sessions and quickly rather taught myself to walk at home, on my own.  I know it was silly and counter productive, but it is what it is.  I couldn’t do it.

 

More ‘self-help’ – (really stretching the meaning of ‘self-help’ here I’m afraid…)  Diets!  Every single time I have ever undertaken a diet, including when I was anorexic, it has been ENTIRELY devised by myself.  Seriously, don’t fuck with my food!!! 😉  I assume this is partially the reason that the idea of deliberately eating healthily makes me so angry too…  (Although a lot of that has to do with anorexia, rejecting societies’ weight prejudice, and the injustice of it all, as well.)  It’s a no-go area.  Demand avoidance reigns supreme here for me! 😉

 

Another instance in which I prefer to do things myself: face creams.  I make my own.  With no recipe or instructions.  I feel far more comfortable using something that I’ve made myself. Same goes for health care, and herbal remedies.  I’d write out my own prescriptions if I was legally able to. 😉  I feel far better about things if I can work out for myself what I need and go to the gp and ask them for a prescription for that particular thing (instead of having them decide for me), but I’ve learnt over time that that often doesn’t go down very well!!! 😉 So I manage to control this urge (mostly!) these days!!!  I prefer to make my own tea – even if I have teabags I will usually add something to them so I can change the tea and ‘control’ it a bit.

 

Stuff. Stuff that I buy.  Apart from general groceries, I would estimate that about 50% of the ‘things’ that I buy I buy with a different usage in mind that what is intended for that product.  Seriously – don’t tell me how to use something!!! 😉

 

Societal expectations.  Oh wow, a huge topic – how to break it down?

 

Basically – I hate them.  Don’t expect anything of me, in any way.  I find myself deliberately doing things that I know I am expected not to, because it makes me feel better.  Like swearing.  Swearing when it’s inappropriate.  I do it deliberately to make myself feel less controlled.  I often use language that I know isn’t expected, because I don’t like to feel that I am expected to speak in a certain way.  For example academic language – I would be well able to speak in an academic style if I put my mind to it, but I tend to deliberately ‘dumb down’ my language because I hate being expected to speak in a certain way.  One of the things I used to enjoy about smoking was the fact that it was socially unacceptable.

 

Social conventions, such as forced smiling, forced eye contact, having to answer ‘fine’ when someone says ‘how are you’.  No, no, no, no, no!!!!  I remember as a child, when people told me to smile I would bare my teeth at them.  THAT is how I feel about social conventions.

 

Fashion.  Any form of following a set of conventions or norms.  It always used to amaze me, with goth friends, how they thought they were original.  Original in what way?  They had simply replaced one set of norms for another.

 

Religion? Nooooo!!!  I’ve always been spiritual, but I simply could not follow the rules of a church or a tradition.  Quite possibly, I could only ‘follow’ a religion if I had made up the religion myself… 😉

 

And that is me.  Fiercely, fucking-offly, demand avoidant.

In defence of fewer rules and less discipline

***Okay, BIG caveat.  People have different parenting styles and mine is simply one of them.  And I know that I am light years away from being the perfect parent.  I fully expect that there are many different, good parenting styles out there, so if mine is significantly different to yours please don’t think that I don’t approve of yours.  The last thing that I want to do is offend.***

My parenting style, which is pretty similar to Unconditional Parenting, is something that I have developed over the years for myself as a result of intense thought, trial and error, and ultimately finally finding the confidence to listen to my own instincts and beliefs.  

The primary reason that I parent the way that I do, however, has always been an issue of belief.  I parent the way that I do because I believe that it is the ethically correct way to parent.  It would be much simpler and easier for me to be a disciplinarian and to get faster results, to not have to deal with certain behaviours, to simply force good behaviour, but after a lot of thought I decided that in spite of the difficulty and in spite of the fact that I might not end up having as well behaved a child, I cannot in my conscience go against my beliefs.  For me, for a long time, my parenting style has been a case of ‘the end does not justify the means’.

Mostly, as a parent, I ‘teach’ (give information) and model, and request and encourage, certain behaviours or ‘good’ behaviours, things such as manners – I hardly ever demand them.  (Unless someone else is being hurt or badly affected by behaviour.)  So, obviously, that’s not going to be a quick fix parenting method – I do not have a child who will behave in a certain way out of fear.  So some desirable behaviours are picked up, others take longer, and others are not picked up.  As such, even if my child was neurotypical and did not have to deal with the sensory and behavioural challenges of autism, I would doubtless never have a ‘perfectly behaved’ and perfectly mannered child.  I’ve struggled with this dilemma for a long time, knowing that I HAVE to parent as I do because of my beliefs and ethical system, but wondering if I would end up with an ‘unruly’ or ill-mannered / aggressive / inconsiderate / not nice / insert negative quality here, child.

In the past few weeks, however, it’s occurred to me that perhaps the way that I parent is not simply a good way in terms of honouring my belief system – perhaps it’s also a good parenting method in terms of effectiveness!  Perhaps, in the long term, the benefits of a relaxed and unconditional parenting style could in fact be multifaceted!

I’ve been having these thoughts as a result of some conversations I’ve had with my daughter recently.  In one of the conversations my daughter was talking about the prison system, and how she doesn’t ‘get’ it.  She believes that far more focus should be put on rehabilitation and that there should be no punishment element, because each person’s character and actions are a direct result of their genetics and their experiences / environment, and as such no-one is really responsible for their actions in a real sense.  She believes that people should be shown compassion and understanding, and either be ‘treated’ (in terms of psychiatric units), or rehabilitated.  I was awestruck by her empathy and compassion.  Other conversations recently have demonstrated a basically pacifist and peace-loving outlook.  (In spite of being totally addicted to ‘fighting’ computer games! 😉 )  And in addition she REGULARLY points out prejudices that I have that I wasn’t aware of.  She is highly law abiding (she got upset at the idea of pirated movies), she is highly ethical, and she is highly empathetic and compassionate.  She is also generous to a fault – she regularly gives her toys and possessions to visitors.  Sure, she may not have the best manners out there, and (largely due to asd and pda) may not always have the best behaviour, but I am so proud of her underlying character.  

So, perhaps, my parenting style is in fact effective in terms of raising a principled human being (even if not so effective in terms of teaching of manners! 😉 ).

Snack Box Country Modules: North and South Korea – Day 1

One of the things that I have so much fun preparing for in our little homeschool are our country study modules.  They’re just so exciting and filled with endless possibilities!  We have quite a cool ‘scaffolding’ that I use for our country studies, in the form of a snackbox subscription from Universal Yums http://www.universalyums.com that delivers a box of sweet and savoury snacks from a different country each month.  I find out from them beforehand which country will be coming up next (they normally leave it as a surprise for customers), and I prepare a set of lessons based around that country.  I normally end up including all sorts of different subject categories into those lessons – science, geography, art and culture, history, SPHE etc etc.  SO much you can do!!!

So, we have just done our first lesson for our Korea module.  The snack box features snacks from South Korea, but I’d decided to do a module on both South and North Korea scene as they are both such fascinating countries.  We normally do things a little bit differently for our first lesson of a country module, however I was having printing issues so I’ve ordered things a bit differently for this module.  So instead of filling out a form on basic country facts at the beginning of the module we’ll be doing that in the 2nd lesson this time round.

So here goes, our first Korea lesson: 🙂

 

So we always start by opening the snack box and devouring some of it and having fun exclaiming about the astonishing horrendousness of other bits. 😉 (I think when it comes to snacks and chocolates, the tastes that you grew up with really do make a huge difference to how you perceive new snacks!!!) wp_20170908_16_58_13_pro-e1504970196877.jpgMy daughter has extreme food selectivity, but actually quite enjoys trying out new stuff to see if we can find something new that she likes.  So unfortunately most of the snacks do NOT make the grade for her, and I end up munching on them over the next few days! 😂  (In our recent Israeli snack box she put down the wooden dreidel that was included as the ‘most tasty snack’! 😂😂😂 )  No matter though – we still have fun.

At the same time as we devoured the snack box I presented my dd with a bunch of cheap and cheerful ‘souvenirs’ from Korea.  Mainly kawaii odds and ends. wp_20170908_17_10_51_pro.jpgFor each country I scour ebay to see if I can find any really cheap bits and pieces from that country to buy as little ‘souvenirs’ for our module.  Korea had masses of great possibilities for a euro or two each – I got pens, socks, a Totoro hand fan, a panda eraser, cat post-it notes, cat luggage tags and a bear face mask.  The bear face mask I thought could be a great thing to keep in my handbag (along with a bottle of essential oil) for the times when my dd doesn’t want to enter a building because of her extreme smell sensitivity.

The next thing that we did in the lesson is scratch off North and South Korea, and their flags, on our new world map scratch map.  We’re going to scratch off countries as we learn about them.

And finally, we watched part of a documentary on South Korea.  (Ala Amazon Prime Video.) The documentary that we watched was called ‘South Korea – Success At All Costs’.  We only ended up watching the first part of it though, which was a segment on an e-sports championships in Seoul. Absolutely fascinating!  It turns out that in South Korea e-sports champions are revered as much as footballers are in the UK – a fact that I find quite marvellous.  My daughter and I have this homeschool ‘rule’ (well actually it’s more of a request than a rule – I’m not that partial to rules!) that if I have planned a documentary for a lesson she only needs to watch either a) up until the first adverts or b) the first 10 to 15 minutes.  If she’s finding it interesting she can continue watching after that point.

So, first lesson done!  I’m quite looking forward to Monday for the next one! 🙂

You can take your ‘respect your elders’ maxim…

Okay, deep breaths… 😉  

 

One of my most hated, most, most, most intensely hated, least liked dictates of human society is the exhortation to ‘respect your elders’.

 

Firstly, let me get this out of the way:  I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING against respecting one’s elders.  What I do have something against, is NOT respecting ALL humans.  Dividing people into arbitrary categories, with some worthy of respect, some worthy of less respect, and (often) some not worthy of any respect.   Someone happens to be born earlier than you were.  How, in any person’s version of logic, could that automatically make them more worthy of respect than you are?  Someone happens to be a man.  How, in any person’s logic, does THAT make them more worthy of respect?  But yet, not so very long ago, they were!!!  Those were traditional values!  Respect, defer to, and obey men!  Some more traditional values:  Respect and defer to white people.  Yep, that’s a ‘traditional value’.   Now I have NOTHING against either elders, or men, or white people (I am one myself), but I am totally opposed to ranking people in terms of worthiness.  That – is discrimination, pure and simple.  ‘Respect one’s elders’ – is discrimination.  Nothing more and nothing less.

 

Okay – to look at some of the arguments people sometimes give in defense of respecting elders.  A common argument is that they have the benefit of experience, they are ‘older and wiser’.  Fair enough, they might now be wiser than they were 20 or 30 or 80 years ago, but that does NOT automatically mean that they are necessarily wiser that Johnny the 10 year old who lives down the road.  Johnny could have been born with a cup full to the brim of wisdom already, or Johnny, in his few years, might have experienced way more than he should have for his years and be wise way beyond his years.  The ‘older and wiser’ individual in question could have lived their life in comfort and ease, and learnt very little.  They might indeed have gone the opposite way of wisdom and learnt how to be brim full of vanity, materialism and superficiality.  Older and wiser?  Sometimes yes, but not automatically.

 

You might argue that the elderly deserve our respect and deference because they have ‘done their bit’ for society, they have cared for us, or for others, and now we should be caring for them.  In an ideal world, yes, they would have.  But this cannot be an automatic assumption.  Some of them might have done the exact opposite.  Some of them might have caused untold and horrendous harm to members of the younger generation.  They could be a sadistic ex-teacher, or an abusive ex-priest.  Not everyone has ‘done their bit’.  And then you might find a teenager who spends all of her free time doing work for charity – doing her bit – who has done more of ‘her bit’ for society by the time she becomes an adult than many adults do in a lifetime.

 

So, if you are going to go on either the ‘wiser’ argument or the ‘doing your bit’ argument, you would have to include all humans in this as potentially worthy of your respect.

 

So here’s a radical idea.  Why not respect (unless given reason not to) – ALL humans.  Instead of dividing, singling out and creating crazy prejudices.  Because if you single out a demographic group as being worthy of respect, it automatically implies that another demographic group, in comparison, is LESS worthy of respect.  And if we as a society could have believed, so recently, that males, able bodied people, or certain racial groups were more worthy of respect, why should societies current ‘received wisdom’ of who is worthy of respect be any less fallacious?

 

Another problem with the whole respect your elders thing, is that 1) it enables abuse and 2) it gives mixed messages to children about appropriate behaviour and the legitimacy of abuse of power.

 

Any ‘automatic respect’ model brings with it automatic compliance.  We are told as children to respect our teachers, and to always do as they (ask?)  (nah, tell!) us.  We are told to do the same for our parents, for our friend’s parents, and certainly until recently for any older person.  Now, thankfully, the vast majority of teachers, parents, friend’s parents and indeed adults are not nasty / abusive or indeed the neighbourhood serial killer, and will give out ‘orders’ that are generally in the best interests of all concerned.  But ‘the vast majority’ is not enough.  Not when it comes to the personal safety and wellbeing of our kids.  When our kids are taught and conditioned and expected to obey without question the authority and orders of adults, when they are taught to respect adults without question, to obey without question the adult in charge – the teacher or scout leader or uncle or priest or parent.  Then – ‘the vast majority’ – is NOT good enough.  ‘The vast majority’ is not good enough if kids are not taught, and given the tools and experience, to evaluate the reliability and trustworthiness of the adults around them.  If they are not taught to evaluate ‘orders’ they are given.  If they are not given the tools, the confidence, or even the PERMISSION to keep themselves safe.  Then, indeed, ‘the vast majority’ is not good enough.  This is one of the problems that a lot of people have with ABA, and other compliance based autism interventions – it habituates and conditions a person, indeed a particularly vulnerable person – to automatically comply with any orders no matter how distressing that compliance is for them.  Compliance – is dangerous.  Automatic, unquestioning respect – is dangerous.

 

On to my second point, about the mixed or harmful messages we could unwittingly be giving our kids if we teach automatic respect and compliance.  There are always, always, always going to be the small percentage of people in positions of authority, the small percentage of rogue youth leaders, priests, parents, teachers, doctors, etc etc, who abuse their power.  Who bully and abuse those in their control.  It’s unfortunately a fact of our species – a small percentage of us are not nice. NO CHILD is going to be able to get from birth to adulthood without having to deal with at least one of these abusive individuals, in at least one setting.  Well if they did, it would be statistically incredible. So they WILL SEE abuse of power, of some sort, somewhere along the line.  Never mind the whole safeguarding issue for a moment.  Try to imagine what this does to their understanding of how the world works.  They see that abuse is allowed.  They see that it is easy for those in authority to get away with abuse. They see that they are not allowed to disobey their elders, even if obeying is harmful for them.  They see that they are encouraged to NOT protect themselves from abuse. They might imagine that they are not important enough to us to be given the skills AND THE PERMISSION to protect themselves from abuse.  Because automatic respect and compliance – and a questioning mind and self-protection – are not compatible.

 

So, some people might argue, automatic respect of our elders, and compliance, is what keeps society and its institutions running smoothly.  Keeps them from descending into chaos.  For example our schools.  Well, you might counter, simply because something is an inconvenient truth does not make it a non-truth.  The fact that teaching kids to comply selectively might upend how our schools are run AT THE MOMENT – perhaps that simply means that schools, as they are run at the moment, are unfit for purpose.  New models need to be created.  (As they are starting to be.)

 

For me, what I have always tried to teach my daughter is a basic ‘benefit of the doubt’ respect to all creatures (human and other species), with the option of withdrawing that respect if the other person abuses it.  And I have taught her that respect should ideally always be a two way thing – there is no way I would ever expect her to respect someone who does not respect her.  What more could we really ask from our kids, in all honesty?

 

When pizza is necessary in parenting

This week has been a bit crap.  

 

In all sorts of ways, which probably had a vicious cycle type effect.  To be fair, it has not been nearly as crap as a really crappy week, and it has been nothing at all like a stupendously crappy week, thank goodness!  Just mildly ‘best forgotten’.  (Which begs the question of why am I writing about it? 😉 )

 

I was mentally preparing / psyching myself up for an autism services meeting, which I always find stressful.  I’ve also been a bit ill, with some mildly alarming symptoms, such as not being able to breathe properly and feeling like I cannot get enough oxygen. I’m wondering if I might have a deviated septum, or adenoids, or something like that.  Off to the doc next week.   Then the day before the autism services meeting I developed a severe migraine – ended up cancelling the meeting.  So I’ve had post migraine fatigue, and the breathing issue, and it’s just been, basically, a bit of an unpleasant and tiring week.

 

So with all that fatigue etc, coming up to yesterday I was feeling a wee bit delicate and probably not really coping with things as well as I could have been.  Cue a rather challenging parenting incident (probably partially brought on by my dd picking up on my stress levels).  Cue me feeling insecure about my parenting methods.  Cue me becoming pretty angry with my dd.  (Not shouty angry, just unpleasant angry.)  Which of course did absolutely nothing towards remedying the issue in ANY way.  Ended up with two unhappy people in a house yesterday evening.

 

So that brought me to thinking – what is going to help this situation?  Will talking some more about the incident help?  No, probably not – I’ve already explained what the behaviour was that was inappropriate, and why.  Will some sort of consequences help?  No, why would they?  My dd has already said she will try her best to avoid that behavior in the future.  What more could I seriously ask from her?  I know for myself that if I then received consequences that would simply make me decide to engage in the behaviour again, out of anger.  So what will help?  I decided that what we two people needed, in the circumstances, was to rebond, and to feel happier.  THAT would help.  And, in our particular little family, what works for both of those things is…

 

Pizza!!!  So, tonight is Dominos and Movie Night!  And we are both happy, and calm, again.

 

And the moral of the story is:  Why make things worse when you could make them better?

And the second moral of the story is: Pizza solves everything!